Is this all that I am? Is there nothing more?

First and foremost, KUDOS to Brian for tackling a subject as fundamentally introspective and defining as this. Second, KUDOS again to Brian for putting me in the position of focusing my critical lens on myself. To that end, I have had to structurally look for what I glean from these and other stories. What I have come back with is probably a bit less spectacular than your explanation, but seems to serve me well. All I can ask from Brian is that he extend me the same courtesy of language and vocabulary understanding.

Before I begin, a little backstory:

As a child (isn't this neat? kinda like flashback in italics!!!!) I was very fond of role-playing. I don't mean role-playing in the sense of "Dungeons & Dragons" or CCGs, but in the simple sense of play-acting. As a kid, I was able to surround myself with people who either shared my passions for this, or who simply placated me out of some childish sense of allegiance. Either way, I am grateful. Usually my role-playing fell into one of three categories, none of which should surprise readers of this blog. They were either "Star Trek," "Superheroes" or "Doctor Who." Bum Bum Buuuuuuuum.

The plot thickens as we examine that in each of those "games," respectively, I was always Captain Kirk, Superman, and The Doctor. Certainly the lead characters, but also the ones for whom I always wanted to be like. This caused quite a bit of chagrin with my friends, as that they never got a turn to be these characters (except in he last case when my friend and I were almost always BOTH the Doctor in what seemed a never-ending series of cataclysmic events that necessitated the meetings of more than one Doctor.)

It's a little embarassing to admit it, but these games stayed with me into Junior High School, where we finally matured to the point where playing around was just not done anymore.

Back to the present day. It occurs to me that my enjoyment of these shows is partially about finding the character that you identify with, but MORE importantly, I enjoy the worlds that I want to be a part of, in one way or another. In the case of SUPERMAN, hell, I would want to BE Superman. In the Buffyverse, I'm not so sure that I would necessarily want to be any of the characters as much as I think I would want to know them.

And how does Canon fit into this? Well, quite simply. Immersing yourself in these universes allows you to share the experiences with those who live there. Therefore, as cool as it is to reminisce with your friends about experiences that you shared in the past, it's just as cool to reminisce these canonical moments with the characters. This coolness factor is elevated when you can share it with your friends because, fortunately, they can answer back.

But these canonical moments are also like the touch of God. God (for our purposes Joss Whedon who, by the way, I do not look at as God, but who is arguably the God of the Buffyverse) has allowed something to happen, which he expects that we will recognize and appreciate. He sets it up like a game. He does it, not only to further a story, but to test to see if we are paying attention. If we recognize it, we passed. And we are all happy. God and ourselves.

Now, is it really as religious and thought out as that? No. That would be the height of hubris, among other problems. However, it is that same kind of feeling.

Do I look for truth in these stories? Certainly. Some of the more fundamental truths can be found in many things that I watch. Allow me a quote. I have edited out certain bits to keep it from being too obvious until we get to the end. By then, I'm sure you will have figured it out:

"There are many questions to be asked,
and it is time for you to do so.

Here [EDIT] we shall try to find the answers together.

How does a good man live? What is virtue?
When does a man's obligation to those around him
exceed his obligation to himself?

[EDIT]

Your powers will far exceed mortal men,
it is forbidden for you to interfere with human history,
rather let your leadership stir others to.

[EDIT]

It is now time for you to rejoin your new world,
and to serve it's collective humanity.

Live as one of them [EDIT] to discover where your strength and your power are needed.
But always hold in your heart, the pride of your special heritage.

They can be a great people [EDIT] if the wish to be.
The only lack the light to show the way.

For this reason, above all, their capacity for good.
I have sent them you. My only son."

That was all part of a larger monologue that was spoken by Jor-El (Marlon Brando) to his son Kal-El, in SUPERMAN: THE MOVIE. I memorized it long ago, not because I am a geek (although, admittedly I am,) but because it held a bit of resonance to me. I won't get into which parts and why, necessarily, because it would just take a while. It is moments like that from which I carry my depth and what you call TRUTH.

Admittedly, those moments are few and far between. Maybe for me, they have to hit me in the head, but that is just that way these things are with me.

Again, going back to my point on living in the worlds of these characters, anyone who has watched these shows with me knows how much that can affect me. Happy moments make me happy, sad moments make be sad (even having shed tears on occasion.) All this, most importantly because I can sympathize with what is happening, one way or another.

As a child, seeing Spock die in STAR TREK II was very painful to me. At the tender age of 5, I felt that loss, and it was for the first time in my life. I had been watching STAR TREK almost since I was born. On a very visceral level, I was met with the death of a friend. Someone who I had known all my life, and whose experiences I had shared. He was as much a friend to me back then as anyone I had known, such was the imagination of a 5-year-old. To this day, I carry a small part of that empathic ability with me. Hence, while I didn't really like Anya, I was saddened by her death, because it hurt Xander, who I like. Funny thing that.

I suppose that on the whole, my appreciation of these things is more emotional than intellectual, and that makes it more primal ana a lot less deep.

Imagine, if you will that we are in the episode "BEER BAD." Brian is the intellectual who knows the whys and wherefores of what he likes, and can examine the depth of each moment. Put some "beers" in him, however, and he becomes me. A simple creature of stimulus, who can still say what he likes and why, but not give quite the intellectual response.

  posted by J @ 11:42